I recently spoke to a single friend who had been attracting several interesting and physically attractive men. She had enjoyed an intimate friendship with each of them and was puzzled that whenever she wanted to become physically intimate somehow they disappeared. During our talk it became clear that she had allowed herself to become infatuated with each of them before they left. So what is infatuation and why is it so dangerous? The definition of infatuation is “a foolish and usually extravagant passion or love or admiration”. This can lead to an entangled web of misconceptions and disappointments.

When we experience this kind of admiration we often feel “inferior” on a deep level. We put the other person on a pedestal. On an energetic level we are subconsciously saying to ourselves that we do not really deserve this person or do not truly feel worthy of them. This alone is enough to drive any good man away. Even if they do not know why, they will pick up on our feelings of inferiority and become less and less attracted. Also they might be aware that we do not love them for who they really are, and fear we will find out that they are not matching up to our idealized image of them and will leave them. In addition to this, often when we feel inferior our ego will try and find a reason to feel better about ourselves. So we begin to either see the real person who is not as perfect as we felt, or we begin to subconsciously look for real or imagined flaws. Either one of these will lead to resenting our partner. And nobody likes to be with someone who resents them on a deep level. 

Yet another twisted way the ego can attempt to feel better is to look for a reason to feel superiour ourself. Let's say we feel inferior in the area of physical attractiveness, but because of our exceptionally developed intellect we allow ouself to feel superior in our intelligence. This together is a recipe for disaster. Our men will feel our condescending energy and we will begin to resent him for his lack of intellect. So how can we avoid infatuation altogether? In the early stages of any relationship it is especially tempting for women to idealize men and become infatuated. Here are a few tips to bypass this trap well beforehand:

1. Focus on increasing Self-Worth
Before entering any new relationship or during our existing one let’s continuously focus on nurturing our self-worth by appreciating ourself in as many ways as possible. Let’s focus on our strengths and be kind to ourself about our perceived shortcomings.
2. Commit to an Equal Partner
Let’s make a conscious choice and promise to ourself to only attract a man who is our equal on every level. There is absolutely no reason why we would want to be with someone superior if we value ourself highly.
3. Appreciate Ourself and our Partner Objectively
Let’s look out for the signs of infatuation and appreciate our man’s good aspects in a healthy way that does not involve us putting ourself down or feeling superior in another area. For example we could compliment him on an area that we feel he excels at, and if we feel any lack in this area let’s be grateful for the opportunity to learn and improve ourself. Also we want to remind ourself of any of our strong sides at the same time. Let’s marvel without judging at how beautifully we can complement eachother in certain areas. 

Once we fully understand and become aware that infatuation is steering us away from the truly fulfilling love we want and deserve, it will loose its damaging grip on us. 

Susanne